Desire in a Long Term Relationship

by Samantha De Bono

As a marriage counsellor, I get asked this question a lot, "Why don't we have sex like we did in the beginning?"

Have you ever wondered why you were having great sex with your partner when you first met, but now it is a distant memory? It's a difficult balance to get right and many people I see in couples counselling are concerned by their diminished desire.

The very beginning of a relationship is often based on lust. It's exciting and new, it's unpredictable. But although this feels great, we strive for the relationship to move to the next level. We want to have security, reliability, certainty and responsibility, but can we have both?

Well, Esther Perel, a psychologist and couples counsellor, talks about this very subject; exciting & sexy vs. reliable & committed and what it does to sex in the relationship, she explains brilliantly how this imbalance is set up in childhood.

Click on the link below, I'm sure you'll find it as interesting as I did and at the very least, it shows that it's not just you two.

http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship.html