How can couples counselling help me?
Lots of people have an idea of what couple's counselling is and think that you only need counselling when things get really bad. But that's not necessarily the case, couples counselling can be useful at any time during your relationship, even as a guidance tool.
What is couples counselling?
It is a supportive, non-judgemental and confidential place to help you find ways through any difficulties you may be experiencing in your relationship. I have had newly married couples come to see me for advice about things that could potentially become a problem, such as controlling, interfering parents, miscarriage, balancing careers and relationship, to name but a few.
It is quite a big ask, to just expect to move in with your partner and not to go through any difficulties when you have both been brought up with a totally different set of ideals, beliefs and expectations. So whether you have moved from your parents home to living with your partner, or whether you have lived independently before moving in with your partner, it is safe to say you are going to have differing views, ideas, behaviours and priorities. That's not a problem as long as you know how to navigate those differences and communicate them.
It's all about communication and sometimes, no matter how big or small the problem, it helps having that objective professional with you to make it clearer and help you come through the other side.
What can I expect from couples counselling?
Counselling can take place in a number of ways, such as face to face, telephone, Skype and email at a time to fit in with your life.
From my experience in couples work, I believe it's preferable for the couple to have the first session together so that both parties feel they are on an equal footing. It can feel a little intimidating if one half of the relationship knows that their partner has had the opportunity to air their perspective first.
At times through the process I might ask to see you or your partner alone to get more background on you as individuals.
Each session usually last 50 minutes to an hour, and I will ask you questions so that you can talk about what's going on and how you feel. Depending on what each couple brings to the session, I may offer advice or ideas to try at home.
To make an appointment, all you have to do is contact me by phone, text or email. If you have time for a chat beforehand, that can be useful for you to see whether you feel comfortable with me and ask me any questions you might have and for me to get a brief outline of what's going on for you.
How can couples counselling help me?
It really depends on what you want to get out of it, but you will definitely achieve clarity on your relationship and on the problems you are having. Whether you decide to stay and work on your relationship, or whether you decide to call time on it, couples counselling will help you make those decisions with a clear understanding of your situation and assist both parties to see things from a different perspective.
Some couples experience a complete transformation of their relationship, others come to counselling for help with a specific problem, but it's rare that any couple leaves without feeling a positive change.
Just speaking to someone who is completely objective can help shift the dynamics and destructive patterns of behaviour in your relationship.
Couples counselling facilitates change in your relationship when your present situation is no longer manageable, feasible or tenable.
If what you are doing right now isn't working, it makes sense to try something else. It's just that sometimes you have no idea what that something else even looks like. That's where I come in...
