Samantha De Bono Counselling Bromley

Bromley & Harley Street

tel: 07588 931 401

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Couples Counselling - Does it Work?

by Samantha De Bono

couple talking

couple talking Right?, well let’s have a look at that question another way.  Does hiring a personal trainer work?

If I go to see my personal trainer once a week, work out with her for an hour and then get a chinese takeaway on the way home and don’t practice any of my new found knowledge at any other time than that one hour with her every week, do you think my personal training is going to work? Nope! of course it isn’t.  On the other hand, if I listen to the professional advice she gives me, and practice what I’ve learned through my training, in my life outside the gym, I have a much higher chance of success.  In other words, it’s up to me whether I make it work.  My personal trainer can do so much, but she isn’t with me 24/7 she can’t stop me repeating bad patterns of behaviour, only I can do that.

So to ask Does Couples Counselling/marriage guidance counselling work? the same answer applies, if a couple come to see me, they engage in our session and are prepared to work at their relationship outside of the counselling hour, then positive results are highly likely.  The fact of the matter is, the couple have got to want it for themselves.  If a couple comes to see me for an hour, but don’t work on what we’ve done in our sessions outside of that hour, then there’s not a great deal I, or anyone else can do for them.  Going back to the personal trainer analogy, if you aren’t all that bothered about getting fit but you just turn up for your session because you’re paying for it or because someone else has told you you should go, the likelihood is, you don’t want it enough and if you don’t want it enough, you won’t put the work in, if you don’t put the work in, it won’t work.

As a couples counsellor/marriage guidance counsellor, I am trained to help you to see what’s not working in your relationship and advise you on how you can change it and resolve it, but YOU need to do the work.  You wouldn’t go to the gym and expect your personal trainer to do your sit-ups for you would you? well the same applies to relationship counselling, I can help you achieve what you want to achieve in your relationship, I can facilitate change and assist you in understanding yourself and your partner, I can show you what communication between you should look like.  In other words I can give you relationship guidance and advice, but I can’t do it for you, it’s up to you to practice what we do together in the sessions, to take home with you your new skills and understanding and live them.

Couples counselling/relationship counselling/marriage guidance counselling can and does make an amazing difference to very many couples in crisis and yes, it does work, but like anything, it takes time, commitment, dedication and hard work. If you are prepared to put that into getting your relationship back on track, then there’s very little that could stop your progress and positive results.